Joe Moore
Heart Eyes slashes into theaters just in time for Valentine’s Day. This film from Josh Ruben leans hard into romantic comedy but maybe a little too sincere for its own good. While there is some fun to be had with the gnarly kills and over-the-top violence, Heart Eyes ultimately fails to make a lasting impression.
Blending horror and comedy is a tough tightrope to balance. But the team behind Heart Eyes, including screenwriters from Freaky and Happy Death Day, seemed up to the challenge. Unfortunately, this film spends too much focusing on Rom-Com tropes and ignoring Slasher staples.
A Killer Opening
Heart Eyes begins with a gloriously gruesome opening akin to what we’ve come to expect from the Scream franchise. The film aims squarely at romantic comedies, making its first two victims the most unlikeable Instagram couple on the planet. The titular killer stalks and kills these two during a cheesy over-the-top proposal set to bad country love songs.
It all works surprisingly well and sets up a great premise for a movie. A killer known for murdering couples on Valentine’s Day is back for the third year in a row. And couples everywhere should be terrified. Instead, the film switches gear and becomes a pretty boring rom-com for the rest of the first act.
All Satire, No Camp
Disney Channel star Olivia Holt leads the cast as Ally, the about-to-lose-her-job loveless romcom lead stereotype. She has a purposefully eye roll-inducing meet cute with Jay, played by Scream star Mason Gooding. The comedy in their meet-cute and Ally’s introduction is painfully hit or miss. There’s a truly funny moment where the jewelry company Ally works for shows everyone her latest TV ad. An overly soapy commercial focusing on famous deaths in media. Ally and her company are lambasted on the internet for this ad. Turning it into a vague statement on internet outrage culture. A theme that comes up again towards the end of the film.
This scene and theme work well, but everything else falls flat on its face. The chemistry between the two leads is almost non-existent, and the film is trying way too hard to parody romantic comedies without making a spoof. The result is a first act that feels less satire and more homage. Very few of the jokes actually land and the ones that do aren’t enough to make us forget there’s a killer we’re waiting for.
Cupids Arrow
Once the killer finally re-emerges, the film thankfully gets back some of its steam. The two are chased out of Ally’s apartment before ending up in a police station, a drive-in theater, and finally, a church for the final showdown. The set pieces are fine for the most part, but the whole movie is bathed in these deep, cool tones. The entire film is so blue that it almost looks like these actors are underwater.
Heart Eyes has a few memorable kills, but nothing we haven’t seen before. The film is too mild to compete with Terrifier, too boring to compete with Scream, and too sincere to be a spoof. Instead, the driving narrative feels more akin to an actual rom-com with occasional gore splatters. This may have been the writer’s intention but the romance is boring and so few of the jokes land that it makes what should be a fun slasher just drag.
Typical Slasher
Typical slasher movies tend to introduce a cast of characters and then slowly kill each person off until only a final girl remains. That concept is tried and true and has worked well for decades now. It’s also an idea that would work perfectly with the premise of Heart Eyes. A night out with four or five couples where they slowly keep getting killed in more and more gruesome fashion would be a blast. Instead, the two leads are the only real characters throughout the film, and they have way too much plot armor to bring the film any tension.
Holt and Gooding are both doing a fine enough job with their roles when they have something to do. But so much of their onscreen time is spent in a boring will they won’t they romance dance or fighting a killer. The movie reveals the true identity of the Heart Eyes killer, but it’s such a bonkers reveal of characters we care nothing about. There are a few red herrings as to who the killer could be, but none of those go anywhere. And the final reveal is so out of left field that it feels some character development must have been left on the cutting room floor.
Slashers and Horror
I love horror movies in all shapes and sizes. There are great horror movies with interesting themes that use horror as the medium to realize these themes. There are campy horror flicks that lean into the ridiculousness of the genre for laughs and fun. And there are gruesome horror movies that keep the audience guessing about how gnarly the next kill is going to be.
Heart Eyes tries to be a little bit of everything for everyone. There is a little bit of camp, a small amount of social commentary, and some overtly gory kills. But by trying to be everything, the film fails to have a unique identity and deliver something memorable. It’s serviceable for a 97-minute movie, but it doesn’t do any genre particularly well enough to be remembered. Heart Eyes may resonate with the perpetually lovesick, but for everyone else, there are better horror offerings.
